This week hasn't been easy... Test after test, trial after trial. School works, quiz coming and lots of problems been surfacing up. It suck up all my strength, so I'm tired physically and spiritually. Long days at school, so many information is put into me, sometimes i wonder why study at all. Why must I learn all this stuffs, seriously i really wonder why.
I'm tired and feeling distant from God, but i know God is always with me cause he promise never to forsake us nor leave us alone! And thruout the week i start to give thanks for the little things God have been blessing me with. Little little insignificant stuffs like a seat on the bus and my classmates all treat me very nicely. Like even having a meal on the table and my fav bed and pillow and bolster. When i started feeling that I can feel what God have done in my life and not wanting anymore.
Oh I need to talk about today, I woke up at 9 and went out from home at 9.20. I sat a train to bishan then i tot i was late so i went to the taxi stand quickly and Wow there was one empty taxi there like it's just waiting for me. I felt happy of course I tot God had specially prepare that taxi for me little did i know the taxi driver drove me to braddell hill instead of braddell heights. Well, it was the taxi driver 1st day so I dun wanna spoil his mood so early in the morning so i got off the taxi with a smile on my face, but inside i was like Sian... From can make it on time to confirm late already. Then, i begin thinking, no need to go already cause late already then if i go there then scared will tio flame or something like that. Then those tots keep coming then sibei sian... Those tots keep coming and coming but i keep on fighting it and fighting it. Fight until very very tired, then this week i was very tired liao then now those tots keep coming and i keep fighting until i'm totally beat... Like no more energy already, and my will is = to zero. I think my flesh is dying soon hahas, of course now im feeling tired and painful. Who wont after suffering ,in a way it is,for the whole week then after that God put me in a random place then the tots of just returning home and sleep just keep and bombing me. Wa it like, i want to give up, so hard, its so hard man... And wow Ps.Eunice de vision for me sharp sia! I need to be determined and persevered till the end and not quit and give up. I know everything i'm going thru now it's just a test, a test to train my character, a test to see if i'm fit to carry what God have planned for me and i Will persevere! I will place all my hope and God, I will put my faith in him and I know and feel that God loves me and want only the best for me and with that i will carry on , I must carry on for God. Everything is for God, Every part of me will be for him to use.
I will trust in the Lord, I will have faith in the Lord!
I'm feel distant and disappointed but God had told the captives in Babylon,"When you get serious about finding me and want it more than anything else, I'll make sure you won't be disappointed.
God will make sure we won't be disappointed if we want God more than anything else. He Will make sure of it, what more can you want? I will get serious from now on to find God and will want him more than anything else and God WILL MAKE SURE that I won't be disappointed!
I always feel that i have no talent and gift, and i am still feeling it now... I dunnoe why im feeling that. I'm jealous, very very. I feel that I'm not good enough, i want to be able to sing and stuffs like that but God had said nothing we do can take His love away from us and nothing we do can make Him love us more. So i know, i just need to obey God's word and no need to worry about me not having anything nice to offer up. The only thing that i need to offer up to God is my entire being, which is myself.
For I resolved to know nothing while I was with you except Jesus Christ and him crucified -1 Corinthians 2:2
Starting to feel like that, knowing so much thing but not knowing Jesus is like gaining the entire world but losing your soul. Without Jesus, we will lose everything, He is everything to us. His grace is enough, His love is enough. So I just need Him and only Him. I want Him and only Him. The name above all names, the king of kings, the lord of lords, the lover of my soul, The one who love me entirely so so much that He died for my sins to cleanse me. To save me from sin.